Unfortunately in today’s society anyone can get upset or angry with someone else and cause the other one of “abuse” or “child molestation.”  The charge may be completely false, but the damaging affects are oftentimes very severe.  As a Christian, it is our responsibility to report things accurately, not to over-inflate situations or throw accusations around haphazardly.  At the same time, it is our responsibility as leaders to accept a woman at her word when she says she’s been abused or to take appropriate action when we hear that a child may be in an abusive situation.  For this reason, you need to become educated on what abuse is  what it is not, and what your moral and legal responsibility is as a ministry leader or friend.  (See LifeSAVEher Training.) For the sake of time, here is a brief list of accusations that create difficult relationships between two people but do not constitute abuse or domestic violence.  These issues definitely need to be addressed or the relationship will likely grow worse and could result in an abusive situation in the future.  (See What Abuse IS)

• Raises voice, screams, yells:  This is definitely danger signals to get help.  Perhaps the other person is simply very frustrated and does not know how to communicate better with words.
• Slams door, kicks chair, puts fist into wall:  Again, a danger signal that counseling is needed.  Anger is not under control and could escalate to the point that the fist hits a face next.
• Calls me names, hurls insults at me:   Whether this is done in private or public, this is humiliating to the person being insulted.  The insulter needs counseling to learn how to express his feelings without humiliating another person.  When one person hurls insults at another in public, it is oftentimes a way of exhibiting dominance over the other person.  This is bordering on and possibly already becoming what we call emotional abuse.
• Argues constantly:   I’ve known families who argue as a form of communication.  Many times they don’t mean anything by their bickering and raised voices.  It is at the least poor manners and bad communication style, and it could be leading down the road of emotional abuse.   A Christian counselor can be invaluable to helping this couple get a handle on their arguing before it ruins their relationship.
• Tight-fisted money manager:  Every home needs a good money manager in it (male or female), but no adult woman wants to feel she has to ask or beg her husband for money to buy groceries!  A home budget needs to be agreed upon by both husband and wife, and both need to have access to funds equally, both being accountable to the other one.  Dave Ramsey offers excellent advice for managing your finances.  See Total Money Makeover and Financial Peace University.  When a spouse uses money as a way to control the other partner, this could be abuse.
• Spouse wants his way all the time:   Don’t we all!  Let’s face, we’re all self-pleasers when we can be.  Some get their way more than others and some expect to have their way all the time.  This is not what Jesus taught – he set the example for us to serve others, putting the needs of others before our own.  He taught husbands to prefer their wives over themselves, and for wives to do the same. When people are being selfish, they are not being Christ-like.  Good discipleship principles are learned by reading God’s word and applying it.  Christian counseling can help each spouse correct selfishness in the marriage by teaching the selfish partner the importance and joys of pleasing the other; and by teaching the self-giving partner how to express their wishes more clearly to the other.
• More:  There are undoubtedly more examples we can list here but you get the drift.  Let’s be careful not to label another person’s behavior as abuse when its really just bad behavior and poor communication skills that can be corrected through Biblical counseling, Bible study, etc.

Visit the What Abuse IS page for examples of bad behavior that has become abusive.